It's not about where we are going but what we are doing.
So here’s a little background information on why, for me, we are doing this. Chris is excited too… don’t let his quietness fool you. :)
As a child I dreamed of being a mom. Life in foster homes my first few years and several “moms” in my life because of all that gave me a deep longing for a stable parent and a dream to be one to my own kids. All I ever wanted and longed for was to have someone hold me and show me unconditional love where I didn’t feel like a burden. I wanted to feel wanted, at all times. Though my adopted dad and my step mom have been amazing to me everything that happened to me before them left it's mark on my heart. I swore that one day when I had kids I would never make them feel unloved, unwanted or unappreciated yet that is exactly what I find myself doing over and over and over again. I hate the “mom” I’ve become. I’m consumed with providing for them materially and making sure they are taken care of instead of focusing on being in the moment with them and enjoying their presence, right now. I make excuses and say I’m a work-o-holic because I want to help provide for my kids needs but it’s really as much for my own selfish desires of succeeding as anything. I sit for hours on the computer working and dreaming and then researching ways to make those dreams become a reality and all the while I send my kids away for interrupting me. I’m far from who I envisioned myself as a mom as I want to be.
It’s time for a change. I’ve asked myself a lot lately how do I really change and not just talk about it? How do I transition into the mom I picture in my mind? I’ve decided I have to get back to the beginning and start over. I have to go back to the simple life I had before STUFF filled my thoughts and consumed my time: cleaning, organizing, fixing, replacing, losing, finding, giving away, getting more... it never ends. I must go back to a place where my entire paycheck isn’t used to pay for the basics of home ownership but instead can be used for LIFE. How do I do that?
We are going OFF the GRID!!!
Don't understand what that means... watch the funny commercial below and you'll get it.
So, the big question many want to know is, where are we going after we sell our house? Well, I don't know exactly. Really, for the next little bit it’s not about where we are going but what we are doing. We will spend the next few months learning how to live small, locally. Even though I have a lot of flexibility with my online job, Chris doesn’t and right now we are just very thankful with all his medical issues that he’s been able to return to work so unless something else major happens health wise he will be finishing up the year coaching PE.
I’m still looking into RVs and 5th wheels and all that comes with it (and I'm pretty clueless) but as of right now we will get some land locally or possibly find a place to park for a bit and settle in to adjust and learn. This summer we should be able to hit the road and just go enjoy our time off. After that... well, we will just have to see how things are going. I am full of ideas of what we could do and I can’t even begin to tell you how fascinated I am about the educational experiences that come with learning on the road! I picture introducing my kids to the old school game Oregon Trail and then taking the kids across the Oregon Trail maybe reenacting some of what they went through. I imagine us watching the Night at the Museum and then going on a scavenger hunt in the museum to find the things we found the most exciting or interesting in the movie. Whatever intrigues the kids on our journeys can become opportunities for learning. When kids read books at school they may remember a little of what they learn but if they see it and live it and have the time to explore the questions THEY have about those things then they will remember what they learned and will be able to hold on to that information so much more. That is what I want for my kids.
Some of my best memories and connection with my dad was all the spontaneous road trips and adventures he took us on. I don't remember much at all about school and what happened there but I do have very vivid, great memories of those times with him. I want to recreate that with my kids. I hope that in all this I will find a way to refocus and disconnect from things and connect more to my kids. I hope with only 400 ft of space to clean and organized that I spend ¼ of the time I do now keeping it that way (or working to pay someone else to keep it that way). I hope I can pay off my debts and use the money to pay for adventures and experiences together. I hope when my kids look back on this time in their lives they remember that I was WITH them and not just providing for them. I hope I can become the mom I’ve always dreamed of being and stop having regrets about who I have become. More than anything, in the end I hope our family becomes stronger, more united and happier and that my kids never doubt that I love them more than my job, this house or any other the thing we have filling it up.